23 February 2014

sometimes it's just hard

Preface: This post is meant to help people. Help those that don't understand and help those who are in a similar boat. I've heard recently of many people in my community who are struggling with this and don't feel like others understand. So hopefully this might help both groups.
To read more about our story read PART 1 and PART 2

This Thursday we got the exciting news that our great friends had their baby! We were thrilled and headed to the hospital right away! Their little girl is beautiful!! It was so fun talking about all the details of delivery and her early arrival. They are amazing people and will be awesome parents! We couldn't be happier for them!

As Mike and I left the hospital I was overwhelmed with so many emotions:
- So much joy for them and their healthy baby!
- Sadness with the realization that we had gotten pregnant at the exact same time as them and had we not lost our baby, we would be snuggling with our baby too.
- Envy, I felt envy. I watched them hold their baby and talk about her and my heart ached for their joy.

My sister's beautiful boy, their second child. 

I've lived in Provo for a few years now and most of those as a young married woman so I have had the opportunity observe and be a part of the struggle with infertility. I heard someone say once that Provo is one of the hardest places to have fertility problems. If you don't know a lot about Provo, let me explain.

It's a college town that houses many students who get married before leaving school. So colleges normally bring in a lot of students but Brigham Young University brings in A LOT of married students. There is a very high concentration of young married couples, most of which are starting to have kids. You are constantly seeing couples getting pregnant, announcing everywhere, and having their beautiful children.
The birthrate of Utah is 52% higher than the national average. In the United States, approx. 11% of women have fertility problems.

Around every corner is a reminder of this:
- We are the only people in our apartment building without a child or pregnant.
- A couple we know hasn't even been married for as long as we've been trying and they have a beautiful 6 month old son.
- In the past 36 hours, 3 of our friends have had babies.
and so many more come up so frequently.

I could not be more happy for all of them but it's hard to swallow when you've been trying for a while. Each time you realize something like that, a bit of your heart breaks wondering if and when your chance will come. That NEVER changes the fact that we love the family they are starting and we have no ill feelings toward them. Sometimes I think people who are having children think that those who can't yet hate them. That's not true. It's just something that is hard to see and think about. It doesn't mean we're not happy for you!

People everywhere struggle with infertility and I know that so many people are at different stages of the process. It's never easy. Whether you've been trying for 1 year, or 10 years. Whether you still have hope of having your own or you're adopting. If you already have one but can't have another. It's never easy and no one will understand YOUR struggle. No one will understand YOUR pain.
As Michael and I looks forward we understand that there is a plan for us. We will have our children, one way or another. We have faith that our Heavenly Father has a greater plan. I pray for those who struggle because I understand, because I've been there. And sometimes it's just hard. I've cried through movies, I've wept through baby blessings, and I've felt comfort. Pure comfort through love.


  1. We went through years of struggles, surgeries, and treatment methods before being blessed with our twins...our result of our third round of IVF and a miracle from Heavenly Father. We are in the process of IVF again, round two this time. Infertility aches like nothing else and being in Provo can be really hard (we were asked one time if we knew there was a commandment about having children....I wanted to punch them haha). However, BYU has an awesome fertility support group that meets on campus. They gave me so much comfort and help in understanding why it hurt and that nobody is alone in this. I'm so sorry you're facing this challenge. If you let it, it will bring you and Mike together like nothing else. You will have kids, but I know and understand the pain of waiting. Talking about it continues to get me through and I think you are awesome for speaking out. Let me know if i can answer any questions! Heavenly Father loves you, and you will be an amazing mom who will cherish her children with intense love. Hang in there friend :)

    1. Thank you Laura! Your story means so much. I appreciate you sharing that with me. There is so much hope and we are looking forward to continuing down this road and being able to support others along the way.
      Thank you for your love!


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