Since I had been tracking things, I knew my cycle. 27-28 days. No more, no less. I was about 1 week late.
We started calculating and recalculating to make sure I was right. Sure enough, I was. So we went for pregnancy tests.... Negative.
Ok, no big deal. It's probably just a fluke. I'd been "not pregnant" enough times that I was fine with this.
We made it home from our vacation and I still hadn't started. We were confused and taking more tests. Mike and I started getting really excited when I started having pregnancy symptoms. I know my body and I know what I was feeling was NOT normal.
I couldn't eat my favorite foods without feeling super sick!
My nose was ultra-sensitive. Cooking rice in our house made me so nauseous.
I was tired all the time!
Mike and I were in a blissful state thinking that we'd finally gotten pregnant. We loved talking about the baby inside me and everything him/her. It was amazing!
Finally, I called the nurses at my doc and asked if this was normal. Do I just need to wait to get a positive? I was 2 1/2 WEEKS LATE!
They told me to come in for a blood test. So Mike and I made the next appointment available and in we went on a Monday afternoon.
I remember telling Mike the night before that if it was negative I would still have a really hard time believing that I wasn't pregnant. It knew something was wrong with my body.
Sure enough, the test was negative. I was devastated but still feeling really weird. Why was I so late? Why did I feel like this?
The next day, Tuesday, I started bleeding. Oh that's just my luck, I start my period the day after I go to the doc. But wait, this wasn't normal...
It was grey and more painful than anything I'd ever experienced. Not like any of the countless periods I'd had my whole life. I dropped to the ground at work in horrible pain. So back I went to research. What did grey matter mean? Why was is so painful. That's when I realized what was happening. Was I miscarrying? I never got a positive? How could that be?
I researched stories similar to mine and called my doctor to confirm. Because it took me a while to realize that I was late, I had already miscarried. I was about 7-8 weeks along when the baby died, but didn't pass it until 9 or 10 weeks.
I was devastated. I don't think anything in my life can compare to the physical and emotional pain of our first miscarriage. I felt like no one understood and NO one could be experiencing anything like this.
As I reached out to friends and family I realized so many people in my community struggle with this very thing. Infertility effects 7.6 million women of child bearing age. I took great comfort knowing that others understood.