I've recently had to leave the *infertility club* but that doesn't mean I'm not still invested in what infertility means.
Infertility is lonely.
Infertility is scary.
Infertility is painful.
Infertility is admitting your body doesn't work like it should.
Infertility is misunderstood.
Infertility is different for everyone.
Some people know they can never ever get pregnant.
Some people can't get pregnant but there are still treatment options.
Some people know why they can't get pregnant, others have no medical reason.
Some people get pregnant easily but their babies don't survive.
It's hard and it all around sucks. You get stronger even through the weak moments, you get through. It won't kill you -- but it will break your heart.
You'll sit in your shower and cry for hours. When you're going through this, your babies seem more real even though you don't have them. I remember bawling in Mike's arms over and over about how much I love "him". Years ago I knew about "him" - my baby.
And one day, when you find the baby that will be yours, whether through a heart beat in your ultrasound or an adoptive match, you'll start to understand why you fought. Why you never gave up, why you took tons meds and injections, or searched for years, why you went to ANOTHER doctor, why you spend a ton of money. I'm not sure how others feel but I'm fairly confident in saying when you go through all that hell, you appreciate things a little bit more. As with anything in life, when you have to fight for what you get, you appreciate things more.
So for those of you struggling -- keep fighting, keep hoping, keep an open mind, and find others you can confide in and at times, cry with. Remember, I'm always available.